And again...

This is an endless loop, He drives me batty... A few weeks ago he popped back up again, saying he still wanted me, saying he was getting his own place soon and wanted me to come be with him when that happens... One day of good conversation, reassurance, new dreams.. Then, of course, he goes silent again. No response to IM's, one text message reply, thats it.

What the hell is it about this particular guy that makes me cling to the idea of him, even when 99% of me is positive that it will never happen? Why is that 1% so strong that I can't help but hope every day that he'll come back again, say that he's ready...

Meanwhile, I've moved yet again. New place, I'm the new face, the shiny new thing that so many want to know.

The 99% hopes that I'll find someone new here, someone to distract me from the pipe dream and be what I need... The 1% is still, of course, strong enough that I'm hoping. A new deadline, if nothing by Valentines, then I will walk away from the idea. Try, anyway.

Course, being the emotional masochist that I am... if he appears in another 6 months my heart will do flips and I'll start hoping again.

But most days, damn I wish I could stop talking/writing/thinking/wanting him.