Just Breathe

So I had a couple of days of insanity then scared myself into looking back and remembering that I needed to just take a moment to breathe.

I wanted to rush in and claim Him before anyone else could, before I could lose what I'd already begun to build up dreams about.

Then I realized... if someone is able to step in before things develop naturally to that point then it wasn't meant to be, right?

Calm is re-established.

Do I still Want? Fuck yes. I still fall asleep imagining how it would feel to do that curled up with his arms wrapped around me, to wake up with his voice murmuring in my ear, to feel his hands on me...

I really want to go and just sit on the beach at night, leaning against him, watching the stars and the waves without even necessarily having to talk.

I wanna walk through public places at his side and have people turn to admire the picture we make, because they Will... and they will Want.. and they can't have it.

But... I can breathe again. There's a fire, there's desire, but it isn't consuming me. Probably will the moment he's finally here, when he touches me the first time, I'll be lost again... But that I am completely okay with. It'll be a nice break from reality, getting lost in him...

It will happen, with time, patience... If its meant, it will.

I willingly made the suggestion to wait on a visit. My birthday is in a month, that gives more time to plan, to not be stressed about money, to spend a few days with the door locked and the world trapped outside.

It will be worth it, I have confidence in him. In myself, too.

Rushing can intensify the first moments of passion, but it can tends to skip past the things that make it more likely to actually last.